There's some reason behind why I haven't posted for a while. I don't really need it like I did before.
When I started this blog, I had so much built up inside. I had so much frustration, pain and anger. A lot of my hatred of Christians was because in me there was a war. I still don't want to be like most Christians. I think I was angry, though, that people could be at peace living that way or anyway. How could others have peace when I was so bound inside? How could others be happy being what I saw as fake when all I wanted was to be real and yet I was so miserable.
I tried to hide it really well.
Through all of my rants about being real, I was denying the reality that in my heart, God was wooing me. He was pulling me into him, like the tide sweeps things off the water's edge into the ocean. I've finally released. I've laid down and let the current carry me. I still fight it sometimes, but I just remind myself to relax. Breathe. Stop.