Day 61

There is a longing in most, if not all, girls heart to be whole-heartedly, unabashedly, compassionately, tenderly, earth-shatteringly loved.  

 I was thinking about this when Kate Nash's song "Nicest Thing" came on Pandora.   Many of my friends right now are looking for that love.  They are looking for their Mr. Darcy/Edward/Robin Hood/Romeo.    I remember the years of longing for my Warrior Poet.  I wanted so much to have someone hold me at night.  I wanted someone to see only me in the room.   I wanted it to be like there was an invisible string connecting me to him so that no matter what, no matter who we were talking to, or what we were doing, we were always together.  You knew there was a second part of that person somewhere in the room.  Oh, how I remember the painful longing.

 I understand that it's a great example of how we should long for Christ and that He should be enough.  I spent my highschool years with a plan to not date anyone so I could focus on other things, Christ being key.  He was enough for me.  That didn't mean I never wanted a human connection.  If we weren't made to need that, I, a woman, wouldn't be here.  We want to be princesses just as much as guys want to be the knight.  I'm not trying to be sexist or cruel.  I'm not saying either is better or that no one ever strays outside that.   There is no reason why "Twilight" is as popular as it is if this wasn't true.  I've read them.  I like them.  Are they well-written?  Not really.   They portray a character though that will go to all ends to keep his girl safe, someone he can't resist, and yet in the same time, he does resist til wedding day.  (Sorry. Spoiler.)  He is intoxicated by her very presence and yet is willing to give it up to keep her safe.  He will fight for her.  Die (??) for her.  Dazzle her.  (Sorry. Had to.)  Who doesn't want a charming, GENTLEMAN, like that?  

I guess all this is to say, girls, there is nothing wrong with wanting your Someone.  It's God-given even.  Keep God first, fall madly in love with Him and someday, someone will be falling beside you.

Keep hope.  And as Syl and I say, the guy is like a present, you can shake to see what's inside but don't open the box til Christmas.  (I hope you followed that analogue. ;) ) Shake and wait, baby, shake and wait.

"The Nicest Thing"

Kate Nash

All I know is that you're so nice

You're the nicest thing I've seen

I wish that we could give it a go

See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl

I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world

I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile

I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out

But you'd always wanna know what I was about

I wish you'd hold my hand

When I was upset

I wish you'd never forget

The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot

That you loved secretly

'Cause it was on a hidden bit

That nobody else could see

Basically, I wish that you loved me

I wish that you needed me

I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,

Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break

I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake

I wish that without me you couldn't eat

I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen

And I wish that we could see if we could be something

Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something

Day 60

Pee, poo and puke! In one night! Oooooh my glee!  What bounds does my elation know!?  

It's about 6:20AM and I just finished cleaning everything up.  Since Brink is not feeling quite par, we're letting him curl up with "Dad" for a bit.   I'm way tired and should go back to bed, but, I needed a moment.  :p  The p(three) wasn't really as bad as it could have been.  Most was on Brink's towel and the number 2, literally in the case of this list, was as I rushed him out the door, so minimal damage.   Just keeping it real guys.

Can I be honest about something?  Heh.  Unless you have an assassin behind me, I guess, you don't really have a choice whether I am or not.     Here it is.  Drama and I have a love/hate relationship.   I'm the kind of person people will open up to.  I love that.  I love being in the know and knowing that you trust me.   What I hate is being the person in the middle of drama.   I'm pretty sure Proverbs is full of wisdom on this.  I really should look up some verses.   At the place of coffee, there is a lot of drama.  As one co-worker put it, there seems to be an unusual amount of discontentment and complaining.  No one person is to blame.  I love all of my co-workers, I think most have legitimate reasons for their feelings, I just wish we could all get along. I don't understand people.

It's not my boss either.  She's fantastic and not a spreader of any of this.  Heh, made it sound like a disease, "DRAMATITIS."  She's not a carrier.    Funny thing about my boss, in my interview, I used the word epic.  As I was waiting for the call back I was sure that killed me.  Here's how it went:  "Well, my last boss was pretty epic."  Smile.  "I'm not sure how well I'll do, but, I'll try to live up to the epicness of your last boss."   Needless to say, her name in my cell is "Epic."


*Yaaaawwwwwnnnnn*.... back to bed.

Day 59

Mmmmm food.  I love food.  I love making it.  I love eating it.  I love reading about it.  I love watching movies about it.

And I love taking pictures of food.

Smile in the bottom of my homemade yogurt.
:)

Homemade French loaf
(It needed more salt but still good.)

In other news, Brink and Topher are getting absolutely huge.  Brink is almost too big to pick up. 

What have we gotten ourselves into??

Day 58

Here's a question for all my fellow bloggers:  Do you use an editor before you post on here or do you just type it up in Blogger?   In two weeks, time is going to majorly open up for me to blog more.   I covet prayers because I'm so not a naturally self-disciplined person.  I need to grow by leaps and bounds and I know that is done... a step at a time?

There is so much life out there.  I need to grab it and not let go.  I will ride this wild creature til the end.

Day 57

It would seem I accidentally named two "Day 54s".    I'm so sorry about that and any confusion it may have caused.   I've been trying to get caught back up, thus, all the days that there are two or three days in.  




Also, I have to explain the icon thing.  Okay, so, I don't have to, but, I feel compelled to.    I love icons.   I love the cuteness of simple squares containing art and sayings.  I love the moving ones.  I love the plain ones with just one thing on them.  I love the ones with sayings on them... and I love giving credit.   Unfortunately, when I went through a major infatuation with icons a few years ago, I didn't keep track of where I got them.  This was in the days of Xanga and the early days of My______.  I had literally over a thousand saved on my computer and, from there, on my Photobucket.   I've been going through the PB collection so I can actually use them on here.   If I have used your icon and didn't know it, I'm so sorry.  I'll do better.

Here's some of the favs:

Day 55

I've been making some changes.  It's starting to show.  My face is clearing, my clothes are hanging a little looser.   [[Totally funny side moment.  I just found out two things: Brink can now jump up to the big couch.  Two, sometimes, when your sister is chasing you, mom is who you run to.  Back to our regularly scheduled show.]]  I feel better knowing I'm making changes for my betterment. I also love having co-workers ask what I'm doing.  :)  I've been taking smaller portions, and eating more slowly, making sure I enjoy the flavors of what I'm eating.  Also, no watching tv while you eat lunch or dinner.  These two things I've noticed Josh doing too.  I haven't pressured him at all.  He can eat however he likes.   The two are just going hand in hand.

Ooooo, and homemade yogurt.  I made my first batch, fail.  Second batch, success!  In FWDGF, she describes the way fresh yogurt tastes and feels. First time I ate it, I needed honey.  Today, I've just been enjoying it for it.  It's delicious!

Oh, and giving up an iced venti 7 pump chai in place of one doppio, if it's morning and I'm at work, one coffee if I'm not, and water or unsweetened tea for the rest of the day... surprise! Helpful. O_o  Doh.

Basically, just getting back to the basics.  Water and enjoying simple food.

Pinterest

EDIT: I forgot to mention:  I eat bread. 

And a square of dark chocolate every day. :D

Day 54

In my very small defense, I tried to post yesterday.

I'm a person of drastic change.  It doesn't happen often, but when it does, I like to keep it low key and slowly shock the world.   I love doing things like growing my hair out and then, suddenly, chopping it up to my chin.   Moving over a period of 3 months.  Being single and then, suddenly, I'm engaged.  (Okay, so I've only done that once. (: )  





It just seems to be the way God and I roll.  It's months of one thing, then all the
sudden, BAM! God leads me somewhere else, and fast.    Normally it starts as this little nagging desire, and then it turns into a full blown longing and this feeling of knowing it's the way.   Odd, but true.  I'm sure there are some people who would complain about this method of viewing God and leadership, but it's worked for me.
I don't recommend it for everyone.  I follow God's peace.  For some, that might not be how it works.



All that said, I quit.   Today is actually the perfect day to announce this because it is the beginning of the actual "two weeks."   My boss has been a huge blessing, giving me a window of time to come back before she fills my position.





I'm kinda scared but not.  It's like, I dunno, playing hide and seek in the dark.  It's a little scary because you can't really see and people can surprise you, but it's so exciting to see how the game plays out.




I don't have for sure plans yet.   I am just taking the first step.

I wanna stay home a little while, get into a groove.  It's time to make this house home.
I'd love to work on art more diligently.  Maybe even start an artist day where I set up, put on music and people are welcome to come by and create as they wish.
It's the perfect time for the pups too as they are needing more intense attention.   I say that as they wrestle on the floor.
I also want to spend time reconnecting with others.
Oh yeah, and blogging.  I'm loving doing this blog and have some ideas for a few more.

I may spend a week at home, go stir crazy, and go back.  I kinda doubt it though.

Day 54

Trusting is terrifying.

I think that's all I have to allow tonight.

(Praise the Lord that my dear Aunt Martha's surgery went well today!)

Day 53

I was thinking about the fantastic movie "Pollyanna" and how much I love it this morning.  I think it has shaped my life a bit too.  It's a slightly terribly sad movie, but oh so happy in oh so many places as well.  One of the main things I remember about Pollyanna is she always found the bright side of things.  It didn't matter what the situation, she made a game of finding the good in all.   Isn't that a marvelous game?  It makes life a lot easier if you are constantly looking for good instead of bad.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."  

Philippians 4:8  (The Holy Bible)

"If there is any excellence... anything worth of praise."   People often use this verse as a reference to what you should or shouldn't read/watch/listen to.  I think that's all good and well, but perhaps it goes deeper.  






When you read the chapter, it's not about what you should or should not do.  It's about living together in harmony and reasonableness.  It's about agreeing with one another in Christ.I think so often we take verses and make them into standards, rules to live and judge, instead of seeing that the point isn't just another rule.  The point is, as Paul says,

  "9)What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you."

I don't know how to say exactly what I'm getting at, except perhaps this, this to me is another tragic case of a verse that has been taken out of context, and instead of it's compelling you to peace, has to been a tool.  There is nothing wrong with using this as a standard for your entertainment guidelines, but, I'm so sad I have never thought of or had this verse taught to me as a guide for how to view others.



Ah. Well.  Time to get ready for work.

Let me know your thoughts, please. :)

The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. :)

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Online Bible Source

Day 52

This is the "French Woman's Manifesto" by Mireille Guiliano.  
I love it.  :)

French women eat three meals a day.
French women adore fashion.
French women are stubborn individuals and don't follow mass movements.
French women avoid anything that demands too much effort for too little pleasure.
 French women balance their food, drink, and movement on a week-by-week basis.
French women care enormously about the presentation of food. It matters to them how you look at it.
French women choose their own indulgences and compensations.  They understand that little things count, both additions and subtractions, and that as an adult everyone is the keeper of her own equilibrium.
French women do stray, but they always come back, believing there are only detours and no dead ends.
French women don't care for hard liquor.
French women don't get fat.
French women don't have much TV to watch.

French women don't often weigh themselves, preferring to keep track with their hands, eyes, and clothes:  "zipper syndrome."
French women don't snack all the time.
French women don’t watch much TV.
French women will dress to take out the garbage (you never know….)
French women drink water all day long. 
French women eat and serve what's in season, for maximum flavor and value, and know availability does not equal quality.

French women eat for pleasure.
French women eat with all five senses, allowing less to seem like more.
 French women enjoy going to market.
French women do enjoy wine regularly, but with meals and only a glass (or maybe two).
French women eschew extreme temperatures in what they consume, and enjoy fruits and vegetables bursting with flavor at room temperature, at which they prefer their water, too.
French women get a kick from Champagne, as an aperitif or with food, and don't need a special occasion to open a bottle.
French women typically think about good things to eat.  American women typically worry about bad things to eat.
French women know one can go far with a great haircut, a bottle of Champagne and a divine perfume.  
French women honor mealtime rituals and never eat standing up or on the run.  Or in front of the TV.
French women love to sit at a café and do nothing but enjoy the moment.

French women love bread and would never consider a life without carbs.
French women love chocolate, especially the dark, slightly bitter, silky stuff with its nutty aroma.
French women know l'amour fait maigrir (love is slimming).
French women love to discover new flavors and are always experimenting with herbs, spices, and citrus juices to make a familiar dish seem new.
French women love to entertain at home.
French women love to laugh.
French women never let themselves be hungry.
French women never let themselves feel stuffed.
French women plan meals in advance and think in terms of menus (a list of little dishes) even at home).
French women eat smaller portions of more things.  American women eat larger portions of fewer things.

French women take the stairs whenever possible.
French women think dining in is as sexy as dining out.
French women train their taste buds, and those of their young, from an early age.
French women eat more vegetables.
French women walk everywhere they can.

I think it's a wonderful list to go by.  Just wanted to share. :)

French Woman's Manifesto

Day 51

I'm having a desire spawning with or because of my desire to be home. 

 I am falling in love with cooking.  I still haven't been able to do a lot.  I'm definitely trying simple new forms of finding pleasure in my food.  It's part of a desire to find pleasure in much of my life.  I don't think this goes against my faith.  I'm enjoying as much of what God gives me here on this earth as I can.  I think the key is to make sure my utmost pleasure is in my Joy in Christ.  I don't have to get that tattoo'd.  My middle name is a reminder in itself. (My middle name is Joy.)

Back to cooking.   I've finished "French Women Don't Get Fat."  I can't wait to get my own copy to re-read over and over again.  The writer, Mireille Guiliano, has a cookbook out too that I am excited about getting as well.  I think I would like to get Julia Child's cookbook.  

I'm off to make baguettes!

Day 50

"Sit. Wait."

These are words I'm well familiar with saying of late.  It particularly is a thing to proceeds the puppies getting to eat.

It's something God is tell me too.

I can see the food, on the floor, in the bowl.   Just a moment more.

"Wait."

Day 49

What makes something a sign?  I really am not sure of the answer to this question at the moment.
Life has a way of throwing curve balls.  Okay, life doesn't.  God does.  (Depending on your theological beliefs.)

Before winter my car was giving me trouble... of the very troubling kind.  Darling and I aren't rich in the money sense so we did what d.i.y. we could and borrowed other cars when that wouldn't work.  After dad taught me that it just needed to be driven a little under the speed limit, it's been fine.  Today, I'm driving along, under the speed limit, though it's been fine going above it, and it starts.  Twenty minutes from work, suddenly the car starts, in my words, "clugging".  It acts as though it's only getting gas in waves and threatens to shut down if I apply more than the lightest touch to the pedal.    At one point, I was going about 15.  On the highway.

"Bags."  (Name that book and I'll give you a virtual cookie.)

This is my question: Is this a sign?

I am supposed to quit because:
 45 minutes is just too far of a drive.
Gas is ridiculous and only going to get worse.
A car payment is going to keep me working at a job where I barely make money as it is due to the above.


Am I suppose to stay:
Because of car payment, therefore forcing me?
A lot of people don't have jobs, how can I be so flippant with mine.

Is this just God's way of forcing me to talk to him and rely on him?






As my husband would say, "I have two words for you.  Stop it.

Day 48

My desire to stay at home and be "wife" is nearly at a maddening level.  Today was such a tantalizing tease.  I'm tormented with this drive to be home and not gone.  In today's society, though, that only seems to be acceptable if you have children.   Why?  I don't know.  Perhaps then it is seen as your motherly duty to do that.  Odd, because that is normally when you need more money.   I wouldn't mind something with regular hours here in town.  I just want so much to be home.  I need to make home.  I'm also really open to the idea of working from home.

Darling is totally comfortable with me being a stay-at-home wife.  He thinks the idea is great.  It's a little more me who can't give up the need to make money.  I feel like it's cheating if he has to and I don't.  He says that's silly.   I told him, in the all run, I just want to be sure I bring value to his life.

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain." 

Proverbs 31:11