Day 77 | Personal

I was at the used bookshop in town today and I ran into someone with whom I used to go to church.  I wasn't particularly close with this person or anything like that.  She informed me that she had gotten married.  I smiled and, while pointing out I had forgotten my ring today, I was married now as well.  I found out she had a child through her husband's former marriage.

Then she asked it.
The question.
The one I get constantly.

"So... any children yet?"


I don't mind that people ask.  I understand why they do.  Somewhere and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this August, and even though marriage age is getting pushed back these days, the time from "I do" to "Three, not two" is still expected to be just as quick as ever.

I responded in a fashion I've picked up lately:


"No, no, no. No babies. Two puppies."


I don't know why I respond like that.  Maybe it's so people get the impression that I can't believe they would confine me to social norms like that.  I don't think that's the reason though.  I have no problem with children.  I think they are a wonderful blessing.  It's simply not something Somewhere and I feel is right for right now.  Trust me, we've prayed and prayed about it.

I think it's more the opposite.  I want people to know that we have hearts.  We care.  We do have something to make a little our time busy.  We're not just two married people.

It's a strange subject for me... this one of children.  I'll be completely honest.  There are days when Somewhere and I feel we could be perfectly happy never having children.  There are others where I want them like tomorrow.

I feel a sadness sometimes when I think about children.  I wonder why I don't have that burning need to be a mother.  Maybe it's because I have worked with children so many years.  Maybe I'm just selfish and don't want to share my days.  Maybe I'm scared.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I dunno.

Just keepin' it honest.