Day 93 | Vindicated

Vindicated. 

Thats been my word for the past couple days.  The causes are manly stupid, but I've been very frustrated with the feeling that I can't vindicate myself.  It's not that I don't have the right arguments.  I can vindicate myself, especially in my mind, for hours.  

The problem is, and this is a big one. I'm nice. It stinks being nice. Its not simply that I'm nice. That's a wimpy excuse not to defend yourself.  Its that I think stuff like "I don't know what kind of day they have had" or "What good will my being aggressive back do?"  

All that said, this is my moment.  Its been building up inside me for the past couple days.  Like I said, this is mostly over stupid stuff, people I don't even know online. How lame.  But its in me and I need it out.

I'm sorry you were having a bad day.  

I'm sorry that I did something you considered to be incorrect.  

I'm sorry that I respected you.  

I'm sorry that I tried to explain myself at all to you.  

I'm sorry you felt the need to project inordinate amounts of anger toward me.  

I'm sorry you think it works to put a smilie face at the end to make it seem nice. 

I'm sorry you didn't think about how the one 

obscure 

meaningless, 

faceless person you took all the bad day out on was 

me, 

the one person who would 

care, 

go red in the face, 

and cry.

  Do I need to be less sensitive. Ohyeah.  Was I having an emotional day too? Definitely.  Am I sorry I am not sorry? No.

Whew.

Thank you.

All this said... think.  Think before you take any anger out on someone.  Think before you are rude.  Think before you assume you know their motives.  Think of how you want to be treated. Think of how crappy their day may have been.  Think of the better.

Even if they are just a name on a screen.

Also, to the person this was toward... I sincerely hope today was better.  

Day 92| Dwell

I was messing around with the ohsofabulous Evernote today, having realized how easy it made syncing my life to my computer.  During this messing, I made my first note on the computer. It simply poured out of me.  I thought I'd share.  This isn't a great theological debate.  It's simply a note to uplift.

Girl, you are wonderful.  Jesus made you and He loves you.  Yes, there will be hard times, this isn't a feel good lie.  The core of life though is that you are made to glorify God.  God would not put so much stock in what he says "is good" if it wasn't important.  He seemed to consider the work He did at the end of each day of creation finished if "it was good."

 He didn't say dwell on death, sadness and heartache.  He didn't say live each day in suffering and moaning.  He said it would happen, but not to dwell on it.

He said: "whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Smile.

Be joyful.

Be thankful.

Be loving.

Be.

These are all of God.

*Phil. 4:8

Day 91| Thinking

I asked a friend what he was up to today.  His reply: thinking.

I told him my plans for the day (nothing but chillin' with the hubby man. aahhhhh, how lovely.) Then I asked "thinking?"  This was unheard of to me.  To have a life so organized as to be able to just take time to think.    More than that, to have a life that you value so much that it wouldn't matter if everything was done and in place, you had to take time to think that day.  I have never planned to think for a day.  I... can barely comprehend this.

My friend simply replied, "yes. Thinking."

I was inspired.  I couldn't get it out of my head.  I asked more questions of him.  The included contemplating how Christ often took time to be alone.  Now, the idea of "I'm getting away to be with God" that one I've heard.  I suppose it's like thinking.  There is something beautifully mediative, zen-like and natural about the idea though.  I spent a lot of today, in the back of my mind, thinking about thinking.

Later, the wind started blowing powerfully outside this afternoon.  I raced out to get the clothes, that were drying, off the porch. I stood there for a moment, looking at the clouds... there were so many faces in them, I was tempted to run downstairs and grab my sketchbook.  I knew they would be gone when I got back though.  Instead, I dumped the clothes on the table.  Picking up one of the towels, I folded it up into a pillow and went to lay on my back on the porch.  I lay there for about 5 minutes, just looking and thinking.

Just thinking.

I am inspired.

Day 90 | pause

{pause}

Day 89 | CRACKLE!!!

You guys thought I forgot, didn't you?  You thought I bailed.  I didn't.  I'm here.  I have the review!   

Its for China Glaze CRACKLEglaze Nail Lacquer!

(disclaimer: I don't have the best camera nor do I know how to use the camera I do have well.  This is not about having perfectly done nails.  Really.)

 I went to Sally's Beauty Supply with Mom and looked around for this "crackle" nail polish I'd been hearing about and seeing all over the web.  I didn't see it. I walked up to the counter and asked if I was just kinda blind and missing it.  The girl smiled and said I was in the right place.  She pulled the box out from behind the counter and proceeded to gush about this nail polish.  I text Somewhere just to be sure he was okay with the idea of me paying $7 for a bottle of nail polish.  


He was, with a claus.  "You have to do a review." 
 Twist my arm why don't you?  
I happily agreed and bought it in a refreshing color called "Crushed Candy."
 About a month ago.  
It's about time for me to keep my end of the deal.  :)  

Some big tips to remember before I start though.   

1. This nail polish DOES NOT work on natural nails.  You have to have a polish on underneath. 
2. This nail polish works so much better if the base polish is completely dry first before you paint over it. 
3. Be patient.  It takes time to learn how best to use this kind of polish.

Anddd action!

I started out with multi colored nails.

I used five different colours for my bases.

(Colors and brands listed at the end.)

 I did this pretty quick, so it looks a little rough.  A good thing to remember is you have to go quick with this stuff.  Also, the thickness of the layer makes a big difference.  The amount of strokes changes it too.

 Basically, it does take getting used to so you can get the effect you want within reason. 

 Part of the beauty of this is also it's curse in that it changes every time.  It will never crack the same way twice.  I did each finger differently in this case, so you can get an idea of what you can do. 

The thumb is a black base. 

 I did it quick and pretty light, but I missed the base.  

I tapped a little on the base to cover my mistake. You can see the line too well, but if you don't tell, they won't know.

The index finger, with its bright purple 

is an example of what happens when you go over a second time.  

You can see the split of the three areas. It was also heavyish stokes.

The middle finger is a good example of if you lay it on quick and thick.

I love this colour on white. It might be neat to do half and half of white and a darker shade.

It's a chunky, well separated look when you use thick, quick stokes.

The blue based ring finger:

This one I did very quick and light stokes.  

I took it to the side to add variety.  

Many people just run the brush lengthwise.

Dark purple pinkie:

This purple color is one of my favourtites but it just doesn't make it pop with the crackle.

I like the somewhat muted look of it, but, a polish like this begs for drama.

This was just a heavy, normal speed stroke.

 I decided to mess around with a few quick designs on my right hand.  

One of my favorites, that I do most of the time that I wear this polish, is this slant streak.  

It adds such a nice splash of chaos without letting it take over.  I also did a couple squiggles that look 

pretty awesome, but since they were on the white, I gave up trying to get a good shot.

 This is not a nail polish for everyone.  Its so fun, though, that you should try it, just in case it is for you.  


 Have fun and look up reviews and tutorials on this if you are stumped how to use it.  There are so, so many extremely talented people out there who have done so much with this type of nail polish its nuts!

There are many brands that carry a crackle/shatter line.  O.P.I, Cover Girl [where? I don't know] and Mia Secret all carry them.  

Katy Perry and Pirates of the Caribbean have their own sets through O.P.I. even.

Thanks so much for reading!  Let me know which color you liked the crackle with best, and if you have them, let me know what you think of crackle nail polishes.

Color Names

I am not an affiliate of China Glaze or any of the other companies listed.  

I simply did this review for fun, they have no idea who I am.  :)

Day 88 | ugh

I feel so horrible about how little I've been able to blog this weekend. It's simply been non-stop. The wedding I worked threw a kink in my make up review and today I just didn't have the time to redo some of the steps. If anyone was waiting to read that tonight, I'm so sorry to have let you down. In exciting news, Somewhere and I have been talking and I'm going to have a surprise for you guys. Hint hint, Day 100 is coming up. To me, it's weird that there are nearly 100 little posts you can read to get further into my mind. I feel a little bit naked thinking about it.

This said, expect a nice long post and a make up review tomorrow.

Be loving!
Didge

Day 87 | sore feet

Well, my brother, my husband, one of my best friends and I worked a wedding today. Oh my word My legs/feet/walking apparatuses ache. It was so much fun though. I wanna do it again. I wanna sleep more. Sorry this is a short post weekend. I love you all. ~Me

Day 86 | Late

It's late and I haven't been inspired toward the blog today. This isn't your fault or the blog's, therefore, why should either have to suffer. I think it is almost a thing to be celebrated that I have blogged 10 days this month, and thus far, there have only been 10 days this month. Huzzah.

Like I said, its late and I'm pretty tired. Somewhere just said "so you're blogging about blogging." I think it's a good time to stop for the night. Due to having a very busy weekend, the make up review is being pushed til Sunday. I'll give you a hint what it is: I may snap, it will CRACKLE and your eyes may pop. :) Any guesses?

Day 85 | Stargirl

I'm having a rough morning.  I don't feel the need to share why on here.  It's just been tough.  Somewhere has been really loving and supportive, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.  There is nothing like having your best friend there for you when you need him.  

Source

I started reading a children's book yesterday called "Stargirl" by Jerry Spinelli.  


 My friend, who I will call Sunshine, gave it to me before she left for Japan.  I miss her. *sigh*  


I started the book yesterday and finished it this morning.  It was a book I should have read years and years ago.  It deals with a homeschool girl who goes to public school (only homeschoolers say it like that.  I know) in the 10th grade.  


She's a different girl, who wears long skirts, plays the ukulele, cares for everyone and has a rat named Cinnamon.  


The fact that I've always wanted a rat is not the only thing I had in common with Stargirl.  I've always been a little outside of normal. I wished I'd read this book when I was 16.  It might have stopped me from trying to be normal.  I would be so much more me right now.  I don't really want to say more about it, because it's delicate and deserves to have people come into it with an open mind.


Please read it.


"She was elusive.  
She was today.  
She was tomorrow. 


 She was the faintest scent of a cactus flower, 
                       the flitting shadow of an elf owl.  


We did not know what to make of her.  


In our minds we tried to pin her to corkboard like a butterfly, 
but the pin merely went through and 
away 
       she 
            flew."


 ~Stargirl, Jerry Spinelli 

Day 84 | Long

It's been a very long day.  Tomorrow or Friday I'm putting up a make up review! Woot!  Be on the look out!

Day 83 | Floor

There is nothing like having a dog lay by your chair while you work whatever.  Somewhere and I moved a large corner desk into the guest bedroom.  (Do you know how grown up having a guest bedroom feels to me? Just sayin'.)  I love it.  I love having a station for all the computer stuff... finally. 


 This is especially helpful since Somewhere is about to get an iMac.  He desperately needs one for his film work.  You know, he does tell me he married me for my Macbook.  Maybe I should rethink this.  Hmmmm....  (I think it's funny that I typed that as the song Pandora is playing "said" "hhmmmmmmm.")




Just kidding. 

I dare you to try to take my Eos
lip balm from Toothless.

The dogs.  That's who I'm talking about.  I love it that Brink and Topher are definitely settling to the idea that this is mom's space and she's going to be here for long periods of a time.  (Honesty.)  

She always moves when I go to take a picture.

I have the headphones on, fan blowing, B and T are chewing on some bones, that aren't mine, so plus, and it's peaceful knowing Somewhere is in the other room.  We're people who can simply be.  We don't have to be doing anything together as long as we're in the same building.  We can be.   The peaceful still this brings to my mind is glorious.  Mentally, I'm a bit of a hodgepodge.  I have a really hard time focusing my mind on tasks and keeping it in the now.  I know, I've complained enough on here.  Somewhere brings so much order to my mind though.  It's one of the things that makes him home.  

Home is a beautiful thing to have in a person.

Day 82 | Rain

Today there was a storm.  
Hail, thunder, wind and rain.  I relished it.  I love the wildness, the unpredictability of it all.  It's like a roller coaster controlled not by tracks and machines but by the laws of nature.   It to me reminds me of the rawness and grandeur of God.


For some reason, I feel incredibly safe and, yet, vulnerable during storms.  Who wants to break into someone's house or something like that in a storm?  Let's set aside how in the movies the murders always occur on stormy nights.  I would like to stay in my happy place.  I feel vulnerable in that what can I really do to stop a storm?  Nothing.  There is nothing to do but embrace it and ride it out.




 “Wild nights are my glory,” 
            the unearthly stranger told them."
~Madeleine L'Engle, "A Wrinkle In Time"

81 | Car Rides

"Mom! Topher's touching me!"

This is a little post, not the post for the day, just cause I wanna share some cute pictures.  Brink and Topher love the new car.  We used to have a hard time getting them into our cars, but this car, they love it.  They are supposed to love it.  We bought an SUV for dogs and, later, for children.

Good of a shot as I'm getting
of Toph in the car.

Yesterday we went to the dog park for the second day in a row to exercise and exhaust ourselves... at least our puppyselves.   I now understand why Mom took us to the playground.  It was fun for us and promised her a quiet afternoon.













Back to the story, the only hard part of traveling with the babes is they like to try to come up front.  Other than that, we love having them with us.  They are so good at waiting til we tell them to get out.  I've never had them just jump out of the car.   Also, the multiple ways they like the sit in the car cracks us up.  These are the favorites of yesterday:

For some reason, Toper loves to ride facing backwards.
I haven't figured that one out.

Brink is an absolute daddy's boy.
He adores spending time with his boy.
"You are my master and I looove you."

Day 80 | Coffee

It's definitely a coffee morning.  I'm hungry but we have no milk, my yogurt went bad, a bagel sounds gross, and I don't know what to eat.  I should make oatmeal.  That would help.

Is it weird I'm really excited to be in the 80's?  June is turning out well, 4 days, 4 posts.  Woot. :)  I'm thinking about updating the blog a bit.  I'm looking into it today in fact. That will be exciting.  (I hate this font, I just realized that.)

I dunno, I'm kinda moody this morning. It's not a bad mood, just moody.  The fact that Somewhere and I went to sleep around... 1ish doesn't help.  I'm a nightowl mostly and Somewhere definitely is, but with his job and our puppies, it's difficult to be so like we used to.  I'm barefoot with bare toes (no nail polish), in jeans and a tank top and my great-grandparent's (I don't know which) buckle ring on my fingers.  My hair is absolutely huge today. I have to say, I feel pretty though.  I think it's the bare toes.  That and having the windows/doors open while the pups lay on the porch, listening to the birds, it's getting to me. I'm relaxing.  That's why I started this blog.  To relax my mind.


I've come to the conclusion that the excuses are gone.  I have a wonderful, wonderful husband, who I love and adore, who supports me in basically everything I do.  I want purple and blue hair? Do it.  I want to start finding a niche in an artistic sense that I could maybe start a business with?  Do it.   I want to wear glitter eye shadow every day of my life? Do it.  He gives me no excuses not to take the world for all I can.  (This font is horrid, too, today.  Tomorrow I'll love them again.)  


I've left my job for the role of house wife.  It's time to start finding a way to be the Proverbs 31 gal and bring income into my home from home.  This also means I can have stuff like purple and blue hair because I do not really desire to re-enter the outside work force.  It also means I have to show drive and motivation and force myself to do this.  It means all my excuses to not create art, a way to hide from talents not being honed, are gone.  It means so much and I don't know what to do with all this freedom.


Man.

Day 79 | Inspired: Part One

Today has been an amazing day!  I have had such a positive attitude and so much energy.  I love days like this.

Today, I'm also inspired.  I should put up pictures with this but to be honest, my energy has worn out and I will just have to do it in a different post.  This, therefore, is being changed to "Inspired: Pt 1."

There. Changed.

I have been thinking today about some things I wanna maybe take up.  Like being a make up artist for a local theatre.  Re-doing the blog so it looks... cool? Professional?  I really am trying to give regular blogging a go.  So many times I've felt like giving up, but even though I'm 50ish days behind, I just can't.  I have to finish this.


This is the Year of Tenacity.  

It's at least the Year of Being Tenacious for Tenacity.

I feel so utterly overwhelmed to all the beauty, creativity and potential around me.  I want to express myself, I want to break out, I want to explode in wonderment and response.  I want to let the beauty in my heart and that my eyes see flow on paper, faces, decor and music.  I want to portray my heart and play my soul.


I also want so much to join forces with Somewhere, for he is so creative and I would love to experience more of what we can create together.

What inspires you?

Day 78 | Car

Somewhere and I made the biggest purchase I've ever made in my life Saturday.  We bought a car.  Not a cheap used car.  No, we bought a 2008 Kia Sorento with only 20,000 miles on it.  We both agree we've never driven a car with that few miles on it.  I've never owned a car that had a warranty.

I was terrified.

We desperately needed a new car though.  Somewhere's car, the one we thought would outlast my car, give up the ghost Sunday before last... in the Starbucks parking lot 45 minutes from our house.  The clutch gave out.  It's a $600 repair with a $40 part.  Stupid.  The car is worth $250 (which is what we're asking if anyone wants it.)  There was no sense in getting it fixed.


We prayed before hand that we would have a complete peace if it was the right car.  Went to the first car dealership and nope.  In the long run, they simply needed more than we had to put down.  We went to Kia, where they were having the Memorial Day event and it all lined up.  If it had been any of the other salesmen in the place, we wouldn't have bought it.  This guy was ex-Air Force, he had been stationed where Somewhere was born.  He was very nice, joking and upfront about the car.  He asked what kind of car we were looking for and thought it was great we said "Well, we have what will be two giant dogs and we need good gas milage and not a huge cost."

We looked at the smaller SUVs.  We liked several.  He talked us into a car that was $10,000 less than the one's we'd picked out.  He said "I just don't want you to get more than you need as far as price."
(As a side note: I've never owned/or had my parents own, while I was in their house, a compact car.  Aside from borrowing my mom's car for a few months, I've only driven land yachts.)

  I had this crazy, sick nervous feeling because of the thought of another bill, but I still had a peace.  A deep peace.  That's nuts, I know, but it's true.  I finally signed the check for the down payment.  We drove it home that day.

I'm in love. It's literally the most fun I've ever had driving a car the first time.

Oh, and if you turn on the A/C (the fact that it has A/c is wonderous) to high, it blows your hair in a modelicious way.  :)

Day 77 | Personal

I was at the used bookshop in town today and I ran into someone with whom I used to go to church.  I wasn't particularly close with this person or anything like that.  She informed me that she had gotten married.  I smiled and, while pointing out I had forgotten my ring today, I was married now as well.  I found out she had a child through her husband's former marriage.

Then she asked it.
The question.
The one I get constantly.

"So... any children yet?"


I don't mind that people ask.  I understand why they do.  Somewhere and I will be celebrating our 3rd anniversary this August, and even though marriage age is getting pushed back these days, the time from "I do" to "Three, not two" is still expected to be just as quick as ever.

I responded in a fashion I've picked up lately:


"No, no, no. No babies. Two puppies."


I don't know why I respond like that.  Maybe it's so people get the impression that I can't believe they would confine me to social norms like that.  I don't think that's the reason though.  I have no problem with children.  I think they are a wonderful blessing.  It's simply not something Somewhere and I feel is right for right now.  Trust me, we've prayed and prayed about it.

I think it's more the opposite.  I want people to know that we have hearts.  We care.  We do have something to make a little our time busy.  We're not just two married people.

It's a strange subject for me... this one of children.  I'll be completely honest.  There are days when Somewhere and I feel we could be perfectly happy never having children.  There are others where I want them like tomorrow.

I feel a sadness sometimes when I think about children.  I wonder why I don't have that burning need to be a mother.  Maybe it's because I have worked with children so many years.  Maybe I'm just selfish and don't want to share my days.  Maybe I'm scared.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.

I dunno.

Just keepin' it honest.