Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Good, The Bad and the Kindle.

I took a break from blogging the last couple days.  I just didn't have much to say.  I've started back to work.  That's going rather well.  I've yet to burst into tears or do anything insane...r than normal.

Seeing as I am wanting to do this every day, or at least every other day, some days are just small nothing "here's how life is" moments.  Those I'm not as likely to share on FB because I don't want to seem like an attention hog.  Do I over think things? Definitely.

Side note, since I got a Kindle, I've taken a little break from my "only read the Bible" quest.  I know, I know, doesn't this seem like the one time I do need to only read my Bible.  I get that.  I just felt okay/at peace about taking some time to do what I call Bubblegum Reading. A lot of sweet, doesn't last long, and not a lot of substance.  That said, the books I have read haven't really been that light.  Right now, I'm reading The Cover Up and The Book Thief. They are both rather good.

Somewhere and I were talking tonight in the car about how we were doing and what not and I brought up how people will use the word "mad" and "angry" about what happened.
{If you have been one of those people, you are totally okay and right to use those words.  This is not AT ALL in condemnation of those words.} 
Many people say things about how it's okay to be angry with God or to ask why.  It's okay to be mad. Others have said sweet words involving the brokenness of the world we live in.

I understand those statements.

The strange thing is, overall, Somewhere and I aren't mad.  He said "You know, not once have I really felt mad or like asking God why."
We hurt and ache.  We long with empty arms. We just aren't mad.
I know who my Savior is.
I know who designed my body and who holds the power of life... and death.
I know there is a level of death being caused by the Fall.
I don't believe though, that Satan or anything "evil" had a hand in our miscarriage.
God did a marvelous job of designing a woman's body to carry children.  He also designed it to know when a baby wouldn't make it and that the body didn't need to carry on with a pregnancy.  That's perhaps a hard thing to handle, but it is what it is.
I do not blame evil.
I have asked God why in brokenness, but, I didn't really expect an answer.
I told Somewhere that I don't think I could comprehend the answer, it would be too big.  Also, if I can't accept what I see as bad as a way for God to work good, what is that point.  Am I only to accept the good and not the bad?

I once had an art teacher tell me I was gifted in art because I could accept my flaws.  I didn't just get upset over messing up, I turned it into something else.  Many of my accidents were some of my greatest, strongest pieces.  When I started drawing, did I forsee that? Nope. Looking back though, I do.

God does not make mistakes. There is nothing He does not see.  What I see right now as something going wrong... well, that could very well be part of one of the greatest and strongest piece of me.


  1. I am so blessed to read your words once again. What a treasure your heart is to me! I love you, daughter.

  2. Well stated, my friend. Miss y'all...believing greater things are still to come! Hugs

  3. CJ, this is one of my favorite things you've written. It is like the first few paragraphs are at the shores of your heart and all of a sudden, you begin the paragraph "The strange thing is, overall, Somewhere and I aren't mad. He said "You know, not once have I really felt mad or like asking God why."
    and we are transported to the very deeeeep end of the ocean of your soul, and it is beautiful. Your belief, your footing, they are on Truth, in The Anchor for your soul. And the last paragraph is so insightful too. I love both you and Somewhere's hearts. :-)


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