First Time This Year

First post this year, and it's been a while folks.  Just a touch of writers block.

Tonight Somewhere and I are watching a movie and a sweet Celtic song started playing.  The sort of song that's always made me imagine standing on a great stone cliff overlooking some grey Irish sea, wind blowing in my face.   A thought struck me, listening to that song.

"What has happened to my wildness?"

What has happened to that raw, barbaric, primitive side of me?  I'm not talking about a crazy side.  I used to have this urge, this part of me that awoke at the thought of how people used to live.  When life was raw and dangerous.  (I know, I know, and lacking in modern medicine and all the lovelies I know and enjoy.)

The fact is, while I've been enjoying getting back to the basics in some matters, such as embracing the Biblical principle of a woman's hair being her glory.  On that note, I have been enjoying braiding my hair and making sure I make an effect with it.  Or the fact that I've been baking pita and bread. Other than that though, I've traded the beauty of the world God's created, of this huge, scary, harsh glorious world for a stupid virtual one.  Seriously.  I got sucked into a computer game even.

When did my life become about all this fake stuff and not the real?

Nocturnal

More and more I'm realizing night is my time. I feel like I live in my own little world in the night. I'm more awake and alert and my thoughts run with greater ease. Maybe it's the lack of distractions outside or the fact that I'm less likely to have some random person annoy me at night. Keepin' it real, folks, keepin' it real.

Love is a powerful thing. Given how my life has been with new friends and thoughts on my other posts, I'm overwhelmed by how much power love, or the lack there of, has.

I had other thoughts on this but they aren't there anymore so I'll post in the morning.

You are loved.

Accept

2 Corinthians 2:10-11 ESV Anyone whom you forgive, I also forgive. What I have forgiven, if I have forgiven anything, has been for your sake in the presence of Christ, (11) so that we would not be outwitted by Satan; for we are not ignorant of his designs.




I didn't find a perfect verse for what I want to say, but, these will work.  


Last week, due to a problem with a "friend", contained one of the hardest nights of my life.  I was just emotionally done.  Somewhere and I were in the right and things got intense between us and the friend in a way with which I've never had to deal.


On top of that, and all the other chaos that has been in our lives lately, I've been struggling with the fact that earlier in the day, I sinned.  I know that statement sounds strange, but, it's the best way to say it.  I sinned.  I messed up.  I opened doors that should forever stay shut.  I was beating myself up over it the next morning.  I was thinking about how many ways it could ruin so much of my world and all this and God spoke up.  


He impressed on my heart how I was not my judge.  I was not in control.  In this case, that's an extremely good thing.  He gently reminded my heart that I am not the one who decides just how much "punishment" I should receive.  I was so busy bruising up my heart that I didn't take a moment to ask God about it all. I asked for forgiveness and took no time to receive it or purification of my heart.


The moment I stopped and said "Lord, clean me."  It was done.  The burden lifted.  I'm not saying I just cleaned my conscience.  It definitely wasn't like that.  I just understood in the way my finite mind can, that I was forgiven.


I am sharing this I think to remind people to take a minute and think if there is any case were the one punishing you is simply you.


Thoughts below, I'll reply :)


Isaiah 33:24 ESV And no inhabitant will say, “I am sick”; the people who dwell there will be forgiven their iniquity.

Love your neighbour

Here's something I just want to place this thought in your minds and perhaps have you place in return your thoughts on here.

What I want to mention and plant is this verse, that's been on my mind today.

Matthew 22:37-40 (ESV)

37 And he said to him, "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. 38 This is the great and first commandment. 39 And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. 40 On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.”

"You shall love your neighbour as yourself."

I'm not going to say I think everyone should be self-centered jerks. There's a lot to be said for self-sacrifice and putting others before yourself. That's completely okay.

This is my thought, though, and I've heard this said somewhere and can't remember where.

If it says to love your neighbor as yourself, doesn't that mean that we are to love ourselves? That we are to respect and value that we are creatures of worth and beauty? Why then is it so hard to do things that are in care of yourself? Everything doesn't need to be about you, but, even taking time for mediation on our Savior is something for ourself in a sense.

Either way, my thoughts are if you can't love you, can you love others correctly?

Again, I think this can be taken to two extremes, especially in people of faith, but, I am curious as to your thoughts.

Thanks!

Source

A meme...

I have a whole lot on my mind today but not much of it is blog worthy.  Instead I'm going to do a cute little survey thing I saw on Caitlin's blog To Make Love Stay.

Also, I get the word "meme" but at the same time it always  makes me go "Wait, what?"

1. What's a nickname only your family calls you?

My family has called me "Goose" as long as I can remember.  It stood for Goosey Loosey Matoosey.   Even in nicknames, my parents are excessive.  I say this because they kindly gave me a name four names long that equals 23 letters.  

2. What's a weird habit of yours? 

I sing in the bathroom whenever I'm all done.  I don't know why.

3. What's a song you secretly LOVE to blast & belt out when you're alone?

I adore singing "Feelin' Good" by Nina Simone.  

4. What's one of your biggest pet peeves?

People who preach one thing and then do the other.  

Other than that, leaving the spray nozzle in the sink.  Don't do that.  That's gross.

5. What's one of your nervous habits?

I chew my lip or start rapidly picking at my nails, in a cleaning them way.

6. What side of the bed do you sleep on?

I sleep on the left.  

7. What was your first stuffed animal & it's name?

Beasley.  He was a fantastic french teddy bear that I took everywhere.

8. What's the drink you ALWAYS order at Starbucks?

Hmm.  Always? I like to switch it up.  Normally it will either be an iced doppio espresso with cream or some version of chai.  I love chai. I love it iced, hot, dirty or in a frappuccino. Ooo and with soy.

9. What's the beauty rule you preach.. but never ACTUALLY practice?

Throw away old make up. I actually did do this a little while ago, but I hate throwing away make up because it gets expensive buying new.  It's necessary for you though to purge at least once a year (I mean that's a big stretch for some things.) Every three to six months is better.

10. Which way do you face in the shower?

I turn around?  I tend to face the water.  I also like to sit in the shower floor and just let really hot water pour over my head. It's my thinking spot.

11. Do you have any 'weird' body 'skills'?

I can wrap my big toe over the next toe.  It looks really weird because I have crazy long toes.

12. What's your favorite 'comfort food'/food thats 'bad' but you love to eat it anyways?

Mac n Cheese... I love it.  Strange for a comfort food I guess but I love chicken in wing form. 

13. What's a phrase or exclamation you always say? 

"I'm just sayin'."

14. Time to sleep - what are you wearing?

Heh. Shorts and a shirt generally.  Sometimes I mix it up. You know, a shirt and shorts.  Just kidding.

Why

Why do we blog? What inspires especially younger adults to blog?  To spill everything out into the open?

I was talking about this with some of the co-op mom's at McD's yesterday.   I'm also going to be speaking in a direction other than to make an income from blogging.

I said that perhaps it's to do with how the internet has opened up our world.  I met my husband online.  I met one of my bridesmaids online.  I have many friendships kept alive through the internet.  It would be somewhat possible through snail mail, but, not quite the same.   Therefore, to us, talking online is just like sitting around with your friends and sharing our lives.  It's as natural as speaking to us.

 Is that good?  Perhaps, perhaps not.  I communicate much more easily through written word than face to face.  I like how it gives me time to think, to process.  Can I verbally communicate?  Of course.  I'm not that kind of homeschooler. (I was homeschooled my whole life... that wasn't a dig against homeschoolers.)  I just prefer writing. And yes, I am an avid texter. :-p

Given how natural it feels, it is just as easy for us to desire to get comment on our every thought.  We have access to everything through Google.  We can constantly get updates on any celebrity we want.  We can learn almost any skill, language or hobby.  The internet has made the world an open book to us.  Why would we not, at least in some way, reflect the world around us?

As far as privacy, personally, I tried to keep from sharing everything on here.  I try to keep my real name and that of my friends and family's off of my blog.  I don't like people knowing what town I live in or where I work.  I think there is a line of responsibility as far as all that goes.

My dad asked me the other day though if I thought before I pushed "publish" about how once I did that, it was gone, out into the Blogosphere (he used it correctly!) for all to see.  Did I think about the impact it would have.  Honestly, yes, I do think.  I think a lot before I push that little button.

Part of me wants to not do that.  I don't want to care what anyone might think of me or my situation except that I be honest.  I want to openly share every struggle, every triumph and every fear.  I'm not sure exactly why I do.

Sometimes I think it's because I've seen a lot of secrecy about a lot of things.  Given what my last post was, I'm not talking about some deep, dark family thing.   I'm just talking in general life.  (As I was in the last post.)  One thing many of my friends say they like about me is my honesty.   I'm an open book.

It's a dangerous thing but for now it's who I am.

This isn't an entirely complete survey on my thoughts.  I'd love to hear yours.  Especially from bloggers, why do you blog?

Love, peace and honesty...

It really only feels like a couple of days ago that I last was here.  Strange.

Life has been moving and changing and becoming different and yet the same.   I'm excited to leave for Thanksgiving weekend with my Dad's family.  'Twill be an adventure.  Many of them haven't even gotten to meet Somewhere, or if they have, it was only briefly here and there.  I particularly can't wait for him to meet Granddaddy.  They are both such engineers, thinkers and magicians that I predict they will get along swimmingly.

I don't think I have a post of deep contemplation on in me today.

Here's a link to a great post I just read by a friend though.  My Shady Grove


(Mavis Beacon, I just realized how thankful I am that you taught me to type well.  I just thought I'd throw that out there.)

Anywho, I love you all and I hope you have a great holiday weekend to all of my US readers.

Peace and hope,
cj