I've been missing from here for a while. I had a ladies' retreat last weekend and it just knocked me on my be-hind (because I need you to say it that way in your mind.) I have since managed to join a lovely sore throat and stuffed up nose to this being of mine. They are welcome to leave any day now.
I've also been pretty okay lately.
Today is 6 weeks. It hardly seems possible that it has been that long. I haven't broken down crying (except during the ladies' retreat) in a week. There is nothing at all wrong with crying, I have embraced that release, I simply haven't. I've thought about it. I've thought about many things that should have made me cry, but nope, not a tear.
I think in part it's because I know it won't change anything. I still miss those sweethearts. I still mourn. I just know that dwelling more than I need to isn't going to change anything. I can't live in that moment. There isn't life in the past. To me, a big part of life is the unexplained and unexpected. That doesn't exist in the past.
I don't know how to best put it in words. I feel like all that was very jumbled. The basic: I've been gaining some closure.
A friend recently asked, after me reassuring him twice that I meant it when I said I was really doing well, how long it took me to get over it. I told him I would never really be "over it" but that doesn't mean I'm not okay.
I have found so much good in this, a couple new roles, and I have peace and so therefore I'm really okay.