I feel like I am such a baby blogger. Not in the fact of I blog about babies, just in that I am so young feeling to it all.
I would be lying if I said I don't want to become a successful blogger.
I thrive off comments and views.
That's the trashy truth.
I can get where I check in too many times a day to see if people read. You might wonder why I would share such a thing. Of course everyone wants their blog to be successful. That's part of why you do this. You want others to see your heart.
It's a hard thing. Its hard to constantly weigh your desire to reach out to others, to have them see your heart and feel your love, against a feeling of "am I doing this out of pride?" I never, ever want to use What Happened as a way to get views. That is NEVER the case. I respect my sweethearts far too much for that.
I truly feel God calling me to be a voice to women (and men) who go through pregnancy loss, even this early in my own grief.
I was asked at a ladies' retreat to give my testimony, and I knew in my heart that it needed to be on what happened. I didn't want to. Just because I'm a talker (I found out I'm a Sanguine personality... we're not happy unless we're talking) that doesn't mean I like sharing emotions. I hate crying in front of others. It's so naked feeling. I would rather talk about awkward stuff, something dumb I did, anything! Anything! Anything but to share where I feel broken.
In my begging God to let me out of it, He spoke to my heart: "I didn't do this to a Sanguine so she'd keep quiet."
For some reason I feel an extreme need/drive/desire to speak out. It's more than speak. Its that my words could carry my heart and envelope other peoples' hearts with the knowledge that someone else has been on a similar (but not identical) road and is there.
All that said, this isn't all I am.
This is not the extent of my being.
I want to be able to continue blogging for a while. Sometimes about What Happened and other times just about whatever else is making up Didge that day.
On a side note: Be watching for the blog upgrade. I have chosen a name. :)