Anywho, there's been a lot and nothing going on in my world lately.
There's been a lot of noise, due to bands recording in a studio in my basement. Totally cool, and also, totally makes me feel like I'm never alone. I'm not sure I like that feeling. Ah well.
I've been getting into reading a lot more. I find my IQ has dropped since my late teens because I stopped avidly reading. Yup, that's what I'm blaming it on. Anywho, I've started light with The Hunger Games series. So delightful. Now I'm trying my darnedest to get through "THE GREAT HUNT" Book two in "The Wheel of Time" series. Hard read. I'm not sure I can handle such an extreme amount of detail.
Make up. Because who would I be if I didn't talk about it? First off, I've let my nails get a bit long. Typing? Such a chore now. I'll do my make up in a minute then take a picture of them and my latest make up thing: Red lips. I'm normally an eye shadow girl... you should really only do one or the other in a bold way, both at the same time is overwhelming in most cases. Recently, though, I've been doing the classic black liner and bold lips. It's new to me. I don't normally wear lipstick, much less a color that seems to need a lot of babying. But I'll struggle through. :-p
What if at the next family thing, I was to say:
"Hey, okay.
Enough.
I'm not pretending anymore.
Grandparents, I love you enough and I know you love me enough to accept the truths about me instead of me smoothing things over.
Other family, really. We all talk about each other and to each other, carefully crafting what we are and how we each see each other.
Why not just be honest? Don't want to be fussed at for the bad? Don't want the lecture? Why do you expect one?
Yes, I can think of a couple secrets that I don't want to share with the world. That's okay. Why, oh why, do we feel our family is too weak to handle the truth. Darkness can never fully cover the secret, so why not let it have light. You might find it dries up all together or is really a beautiful thing."
Forget just saying that to my family, what if I said it to all of you? What if I admit I don't know where I stand? What if I overshared for a little while?
What would honesty bring?
For the record, I have awesome grandparents who I've always felt could handle almost all of my flaws and definitely my strengths. I can handle the flaws they've told me about them. Things in their past. Hopes they have. Things they find funny. I can handle that.
It's good.
I'm not sure what this post is for. I'm only sure that it is.
my secrets feel much too dark and heavy to share with most of my family. you are blessed to have grandparents that will accept you no matter what.
ReplyDeletei can't wear lipstick to save my life; i feel very much the opposite of adult-like because of this. :]
and church? i haven't gone in quite some time. my small group is my church.