Day 65

There's very little Somewhere has said "no, you can't do that anymore" in our marriage.  He is very willing to allow me to express myself and look however I want.  I am not allowed to speak just how ever I want though.  It's not a matter of grammar.  Its a matter of word choice.  Here are the no-fly zones in speech for me:

"Scared."
"Afraid."
"Worry."
"Trying."
"Sorry."

This is not cruelty.  I am not a suppressed wife.  I am not mentally abused.   I am a wife, a woman, a daughter, a sister, a person, wrapped in fear.  I am afraid of so many illogical/realistic/complex things.  I live a life of fear.  I  have a wonderful husband who has discernment and compassion for me.  It is because of that, that Somewhere picked up on some words that I unknowingly used all the time.  He calls me out on them.  "Why are you scared?"  "Why do you worry?"  "Why are you afraid?"

"Sorry" and "trying" were words I threw around haphazardly.  I was constantly sorry for who I was and whatever I did.  I also used it so much as a "get out of jail free" card that the word had no meaning.  That   quickly came to an end even before we were married.
"Trying" was a word I used to make myself think I was doing something about a situation, but really, the only thing I was doing was saying I was trying.  That was the extent of my try.  In the words of Yoda, "Do or do not. There is no try."   Now I either am or am not.  There is no try.

 The time of freedom is here.  I serve an amazing, powerful, all-knowing, intense Savior, who without His word, nothing happens to me. Why on earth should I be afraid unless I do not trust Him, and, in not trusting, show that I do not know Him.

^{"Joshua 1:9}
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go."


Fret not.