Fight On

You know, I thought about titling this post "Stand" because that will be the end point but the thought that's been in my head is "Fight on, keep fighting, what is your other option? Give in and give up? No. Fight on."

Life is what it is.  I don't think it in itself is either hard or easy.  It's all part of where you are.  It's part of your journey so why worry which difficulty level it is set on.   I've been a bit under the weather and I've been playing Dragon Age 2 while I rested.  It's my first RPG.  I really do love playing it.  That, however, is not my point.

Sometimes, I have to step back if a really hard level has just beaten me over and over again. Ironically, that is where my life is right now.  You take down one thing and a bigger beast steps up.  It can get tiring and overwhelming.  After each battle, you take a step and regroup and pick up the goods and go on.  Some days though, in life, it doesn't seem like there is much stop.  One bill gets paid and you get the call about the next. You get a victory in one area, just to uncover a greater one elsewhere.  It's exhausting emotionally and spiritually.

Lately though, I just keep saying, "Keep on. You will make it out. Keep pushing, keep fighting."

I've never been good at that.  Seeing things through to the end, fighting for the success.

The thing is, I can't win.  Not by myself.  I can't face all life throws at me. My devo has been reminding me every day to refocus on Christ.  In the moments when life is too much, talk to Him, about the problem or not, and it will push that problem to the back in importance.  He can handle it.  He can give you the words to say, the strength to hold strong and the arms to hold you.  He is strong and mighty. There is no one who loves me as He does. (That's a post for another day.)

All He asks over and over in scripture is that we obey, love and stand.

So stand, and in doing so, Fight On.

Source

The Room

I've been thinking a lot about my heart.

This past week I've been really busy, with work and art for a ladies retreat.  I have had gloriously messy  hands at least three times.  That is a good, good things.  Put a messy medium in my hands and let me create and I'm happy.  Remind me to tell you about my daydreams.

Since my time has been so full, I haven't had as much time to think about anything else, including the sweethearts.    I was musing on that fact the other day and I was struck with a visual.

Picture my heart as a house.  When I found out I was pregnant, my heart was full.  Sunshine and laughter filled every corner.  It was like sitting outside, soft, warm summer sunshine bathing in the green of the leaves on trees surrounding you. It was magical.  Every one of those special "momma smiles" seem to hang on the walls, like so many portraits.  Friends and family are welcomed in, each leaving a note or present.  Even so, there is really only your husband and you and them. You hold them, dance with them and try not to fear over what you will never be able to control.

And then it's different.  The rooms get grey-ier. All hope isn't gone, the colors just change. Laughter drifts out.  You find fingerprints on windows, but can't find the hands.  Its like when you walk in a room that was filled with people and now is suddenly empty and you laugh nervously, wondering what the joke is and when everyone will come pouring back in.

That all slowly changes. The glitter returns. You feel the absence, but it's not as strong.  You look around and notice a room.  Somehow, at some point, you've moved them there.

 I can't pinpoint when it happened.

I can still walk in the room and catch a whiff of sunshine, a touch of warmth.   There's a blanket, giggling and Amelia Bedelia books.  It's just now, they are in there for the most part, where I can visit without being overwhelmed.

I'll still step on the emotional lego from time to time.  That's okay though.  Just because it hurts, that doesn't mean it's bad.