Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Woman.

I have never really identified with the idea of being called "woman."

 I am totally female and all, heh, it was jut the concept of being called girl, young woman, lady or woman.  I had a hard time thinking of myself as being a woman.

That has ended. Something about going through this has forever altered my mind.  I'm a woman, I won't be going back. I can't explain why. I don't feel more mature necessarily. It's like my soul is deeper. That sounds lame but it's the best way I can say it.

I was on Pinterest today and someone had a Motherhood board and my first thought was I'm just not ready for that.  Then I looked again and it was like something whispered to my heart that pain doesn't make it not beautiful. Motherhood is still a beautiful precious gift. 

I feel like Somewhere and I are grown ups now. He and I were talking about it last night and it's just made us grow up.  That's not a bad thing either. It just is. The world is more serious, the loves deeper, the good is more precious.

I plan to journal this journey for a while.  You'll read, if you continue, about the hurt and the heal.  I just feel that's how I need to do this. I hope none think I am trying to be all woe is me. For one thing, I could never be an entire band. Sorry. Music humor.
My intention is never to wallow.
You are under no obligation to read.
I just hope to find the Phoenix in all of this.

John 10:10




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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousOctober 2, 2012 at 8:32 PM

    I love you Christa. Sarah Queen.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dale GuffeyOctober 2, 2012 at 8:42 PM

    You write beautifully. Yes, good can come from this, but don't try to find it. It'll reveal itself in its own time and trying to rush that is both foolish and futile.

    Just know that, even in the darkest of moments, you and Somewhere both have many, many friends (near and far) who hold you dear and long to lessen your hurt.

    And without ashes, you can't get a phoenix. Not much comfort there, but true nevertheless.

    ReplyDelete
  3. NatashaOctober 2, 2012 at 9:08 PM

    This is beautiful, Christa. Really beautiful. Thanks for being so open. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. MomoOctober 2, 2012 at 9:44 PM

    Well, I've been subscribed for this long, so... <3 <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. ElizabethOctober 3, 2012 at 3:39 AM

    I want to read, to learn with you and to walk alongside as God gives us grace. Love you dear.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnonymousOctober 3, 2012 at 4:37 PM

    Oh, my sweet and awesome CJ, thanks for allowing me along on the journey. I hope to stay beside you through this whole trip. Even if we "run out of gas and have to ask for help", I'm here and am so very thankful for you.
    Sherry Canterbury

    ReplyDelete
  7. AnonymousOctober 3, 2012 at 4:48 PM

    As I looked from afar
    I saw that unseen
    A Mysterious Wonder
    A Sparkling Queen

    Wrapped upon thee
    The strength of Three
    Father, Son, Spirit
    For the Mother that'd be

    Stirred in my heart
    The sorrow of He
    For on this day
    I'll weep with thee

    Triumph we seek
    Victory shall be
    In Truth we'll revel
    In Eternity

    Voice from the Past

    ReplyDelete

Give a smile. :)

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