I'm the kind of person who writes/draws on themselves with Sharpie. People then ask, and often, if it is a tattoo. I understand why they think it is one, I am the sort of person you would expect to have tattoos.
Strangely, I do not have any tattoos. There, rest your minds Mom and Grandmother.
It's not that I do not like tattoos, I do. I just never have found one that I wanted forever, other than a wedding band.
These facts are beside the point. Heh, I'm sorry! I rabbit trail.
Occasionally the things I write are sayings I like or verses that touch my heart. Often it's a simple thing I need to remember during the day, such as "love", "trust" or "focus". When I read, I come across phrases and think of the way they would look if I tattoo them. I like to use it to remember things. I can thinking back on them, it's like I have a book sunk in under my skin. I like my secret tome, all my own and none others, not entirely.
There are other words under my skin, written in dirty ink, infecting, poisoning. Mostly, I am to blame for these words. I am not at all blaming anyone but myself. (Seriously. I know some of my family read this. SERIOUSLY! Do not think you had anything to do with this. ) I have words, nasty, hateful, words that I see when I see my skin, myself, my world. Things I've allowed to corrupt my eyes and mind, a dark dye that has spread to my heart, killing the way I see myself. Sample words could be "less", "unworthy", "fat". Again, no one but myself wrote these things.
I've recently realized this, this horrible truth. Like Eustace in Narnia, digging deep into his dragon skin, I've been trying to tug it away myself, only causing more pain. Then, two nights ago, with my husband's help, I realized the words, admitted them and made the step to being whole. Christ calls me worthy through Him. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. It does no good to say the stain was never there, but, Christ is better than a laser treatment.
The reason I'm posting this is to ask this...
what words are you writing and accepting on yourself?
The reason I'm posting this is to ask this...
what words are you writing and accepting on yourself?
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UPDATE: I'm so sorry, I wrote Edmund instead of Eustace. Thank you to my cousin for that spot!
Great post!
ReplyDeleteLisa Q
I think the phrase "not enough" is probably one I've stained on myself plenty of times. Thanks for this thought provoking post. Love ya!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Lisa.
ReplyDeleteNik, That was one of the key ones I found as well. Somewhere kept asking "What would make you enough?"
I didn't know.
I'm still not sure I know what enough is.
These are such profound words Christa...so thought provoking for all of us. Interestingly, the words I have always seen under and on your skin are JOY-FILLED BRILLIANCE.
ReplyDeleteWow".........I hear ya sister Words and judgments delivered by others are the ones that stain me the most. I can work throught the things I stain myself with but I have a real hard time washing off the words and judgments others bestow on me or my kids. The older I get the harder it is for me to understand how one can look at the ink on someone else and not see the ink on themselves. Correct me if I am wrong but didn't Jesus say no one sin was greater than the other?(aside from blasphemy and turning from God) I thought and prayed long and hard before I got my Tat. It is a cross with the blood that Jesus shed for me and John 3:16 under it. Across my neck it says Not perfect just forgiven. People come and go in our lives but Jesus stays forever! I am walking evidence that Gods grace , love and mercy are real and he can change the lives of ANYONE who is willing to trust him. It is hard to let the actions and judgements of others go but I pray that God will help me overcome ...... Thank you for writing this ! I am proud to have you in my life.
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